consultcriminal | 003 [Audio]

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003 [Audio]

[Inmate Filter]

Let's play a game. A secret game. The secret part is what you get when you win. Doesn't that sound fun? [He laughs softly.]

We all have things we're not supposed to have. Now, I don't expect you to tell me what those things are. I know you won't and, honestly, I don't care. but we're all inmates here. Theft should be of little consequence. But here's the game. Take one thing. Only one...and prove to me you have it.

Whoever has the best toy wins. And it's no fun if people get hurt, remember? Then the game's over and no one can play. You don't have to participate, of course. Your arguments of protests are so dull and they're counterproductive.

[He stops, as if he's finished, and then speaks again.] Oh, and don't let anyone else know you're participating. It ruins the surprise.

[OOC: ALSO, I should clarify...this isn't meant to actually happen, unless people actually do want to for some reason... XP He's just testing reactions.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who exactly are you, to demand we prove ourselves to you and present it as a game of all things?

I hope nobody bites. They'd be damn stupid to.

It's not a demand. It's a suggestion.

But you're probably right. They would be stupid to try.

But even asking it assumes some kind of arrogant assumption that we'll want to show you what good little criminals we are.

Me? I don't have to judge. Find someone else to judge.

You can judge if you want. I'm just curious.

You'll still be watching everyone dance to your tune.

Eh, do what you want. If anyone buys it it's their own fault.

This isn't an argument or a protest, it's a question: why would anyone halfway intelligent participate in this?

The better a 'toy' somebody has, the less likely it is you've got anything comparable to offer as a prize, so what you're asking people to do is make themselves vulnerable for...maybe no return at all.

Here's a thought: why don't you prove you've got something worth having first?

Ah, now that is the question, isn't it?

Aaaand that is not an answer.

You're quite right, my dear. But why should I show my hand so early? Like I said, it's just a casual sort of game for any who need something to do.

It seems the trend is to complain, react, and then complain again. I'm trying to break the dreadful monotony.

Hey, if your idea of fun is taking a survey of how well-resourced the Inmates' moron contingent is, I'm not gonna try to dissuade you.

Now, now. Moron is such a harsh word.

Why, what word would you use for anyone dumb enough to show their hand to a total stranger?

Trusting.

Risky.

And you don't expect me to believe that anyone would actually show me the best thing they have?

Give it a few months, slick. Some people here? Capable of really stupid decisions.

Did you have a name?

I do, actually! It's Jim.

What's yours?

Just Jim, huh?

It's Shego.

Just Shego?

Just Shego.

Well, Shego, we'll see who goes for it. I suspect I can count you out of my game?

Uh huh. If anybody shows up besides organ guy I'll be genuinely surprised.

He's already won, of course.

He broke the monotony.

Well, you have fun with that. If this is the kinda thing you need to stop yourself dying of boredom, I hope for your sake there's a lot more guys with musical instruments around.

Feast your eyes, on THIS!

{Switching to video, shaky video, Fate clumsily scans the pipe organ in his front room. It's a staple in all villain lairs, you know. You should get one. After scanning its multiple boards and pipes, he turns the camera back on himself.}

What do you think of that?

[Sigh.]

It's wonderful. But was it stolen? Come now...there has to be a story behind it.

It was made from the best parts in from the best organs in all the world! Ladegast hammers, Aquincum stoppers, pipes of the finest brass from Hook & Hastings, and only the finest Scheulke flipples!

I see. Well, we'll see if anyone else decides to challenge you.

I dare all others to challenge me! I

{. . .}

AM PROFESSOR FATE!

{Cue evil laugh,} Ah ha ha aha ha ha!

[Long, long pause.]

Indeed. Enjoy the game.

Poor showmanship.

I wasn't aware that anyone was showing anything...

[He stares at him for a long moment before leaning close] If you're going to show someone you mean business or challenge them to a game...at least make an effort to instill some kind of fear.

I would never do that! Why would I want people to fear me?

[He tilts his head to the side.]

Your request does seem a little off.

A secret game? And here I thought it was the wardens who had regressed to children.

Oh, just because the lot of you have forgotten what it's like to have fun doesn't mean you should impose it on me.

I don't think we've forgotten to have fun, we just choose not to.

And what toys do you have? [Rhade has... nothing out of the ordinary. Sadly. Except himself and some manipulation skillz. But now he wants to see what Jim is playing at.]

None at all.

That's why I'm judging and not participating.

I've got this...

[He flips off the camera, then turns his hand in case you wanted to see other angles.]

It's pretty nice, I killed a warden to get it.

[And he pretends to inspect it.]

Very nice. I believe the man with the organ has you beat.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

003 [Audio]

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Oh ho ho A COMPETITION?

WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY?!

OF COURSE IT WAS STOLEN, YOU IDIOT

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[Unwise to mention games]

It's Jim....he's not quite right...

[SNERK.]

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